It’s been a while. Working two jobs is no joke. I find myself becoming really emotional and depressed lately. One of the only things that cheers me up other then reading the Bible is day dreaming about going on a family Disney cruise. Yep that’s right I’m obsessed with Disney cruise line. It all started when my sister, a journalist was able to bring our family for free on the christening of the Disney Dream. They pulled out all the stops. They had Jennifer Hudson singing. A hour long show of song and dance with every Disney character ever. Caviar and Champagne was passed out. They really pampered us and that was before we got on the ship. I had never been on a cruise but my parents had. We all agreed it was one of the most elegant places we had ever been to.
After that experience I was hooked and determined if Jon and I ever got married I wanted our honeymoon to be on the Dream. I got my wish and Jon loved it as much as I did. When it came time to disembark we didn’t want to go. We started asking do y’all need another DJ and singer/dancer? I felt like I was at home on the Dream. It was that comfortable. I wish we had more money so we could go on a seven night cruise.
One of the things I noticed on our first Disney cruise was that my whole family got along better than any vacation we had ever had. There was only one thing missing. The whole family wasn’t there. My sister’s husband didn’t want to go which made the family outing just the original family. I wish he could’ve come it might have been a bonding. Also my boyfriend at the time Jon couldn’t come because we only had one room and my parents wasn’t having that. The biggest surprise was my sister announcing she was pregnant with my niece.
Now I’m married and I have a niece and nephew. When I daydream I think of their reactions to all the sights on the ship. When I daydream I think of my brother-in-law loosening up and really enjoying himself, and becoming more of a care free person. I see my parents sitting back and enjoying their family. I see Disney magic working to make the best family vacation ever. Time is not on our side. My parents are getting older and sickly. I worry I won’t get my dream of a whole family vacation.
I used to daydream going with my dad’s side of the family. I knew my cousin Michael love Disney. I use to research hotel and ship accommodations for wheelchair accessibility. Then one day I got a call that my cousin Michael passed away. I remember the last time I talked to him I wanted to tell him about my huge family Disney cruise adventure plane, but I chickened out. I didn’t want him to think I was weird.
I don’t want another situation like that to happen with my immediate family. So I keep planing,saving, day dreaming, and trying to convince them that this vacation would not be somethings we will regret. Hopefully one day soon I can convince everyone to come on board. Until then I just like imagining our possible fun to get me through the long hard work days.
I’m tired. I mean I’m really tired! So I have a second job now and it’s hard. I’m working both jobs all day from 9:30am to 11:00pm. But the good news is they didn’t care about my hair color. So the super purple princess wins again. I’ll try to post another blog soon while I’m at my second job hope all is well with you all peace out.
If you follow me on Instagram and Facebook you already know I put in purple Havanna mombo twist. I crochet them into my hair all night last night. Why you ask? I just felt like it. I wanted to do something daring while my job was on break. The random thing is the day before I went on a job interview and I may have the job.
I did the worst interview I’ve every done with my actual hair in small (fuzzy) twist. I was sure I screwed that one up and would not hear from them again. So I put in these purple twist and for the first time in almost a year I get a call back.
Now I’m worried to go back in with this purple hair. I’m so afraid that they will change their minds. Things have been really bad for us financially. I really need this job. I’m so worried my decision to take a chance will ruin my chances.
since my last post about leaving weight watchers I’ve been kicking it up a notch at the gym. I’ve always been the type to workout. I’ve been exercising three days a week since I was in grade school. I even cracked a rib once recently working out to much.
One thing that has always made me feel extremely lonely is that I have no one to workout with. My mom is a dieter and believes working out make you fat. My sister has always had a high metabolism so she has never really needed to go to the gym. My husband thinks it’s a little silly to work out and in the past he would discourage me from going to the gym. Now he knows I’m very unhappy with my weight gain, so he supports me going to the gym. However he may not join me but once a year.
Then when you get to my friends it’s a no go from them. I realized that’s one of the things we don’t have in common. They’re the type that only want to hangout and eat. If you want them to walk instead of taking the bus for exercise, and to save money. They can’t because it hurts to much because of their weight. But they can’t lose weight because the don’t move around enough. But they can’t move around more cause of their weight. So it’s like an unsolvable conundrum.
If I encourage my friends to workout more things become awkward and strained between us. I want to change my life. I want to feel better, but I can’t force that type of thinking on them they have to come to that conclusion their selves. If they are comfortable with their weight then I shouldn’t try to convince them otherwise.
When it comes to working out alone the key word alone starts to bother me a little. I wish I had like minded friends that motivated and pushed me, and I would do the same for them. There’s a myth that black women don’t exercise and sadly a lot of black women fall into that type of dangerous thinking. Then there are the ones that try very hard to live a healthy lifestyle that I don’t click with.
I don’t know what it is about me. I try to smile and make small talk but friendships at the gym don’t stick. Sometimes I wonder is it my weight. Maybe they think I’m not serious about being healthy. Maybe they are judging me. Maybe my approach comes off awkward or weird.
Regardless of why I don’t have a gym buddy I can’t help but be envious of people that do.
Hey was up my chubby curly girls? I was a little busy for a couple days checking out two cool events. one was Nikki and the City Book launch for her book When God Said Yes. the other event was the 4th annual Chicago naturals meetup. I did a video haul of all the stuff I got in the gift bags. Check it out below!
Sometimes social media can be a detriment to your growth. I know people say this all the time, but it can be very true at times. Something I noticed recently is that I consume my day with a large portion of other people’s lives. People I don’t even know.
For instance one of my favorite things to do in the morning is catch up on my you tube subscriptions. Ever since I got chrome cast I can create a play list of videos and they play back to back till the end. This gives me the freedom to prepare my breakfast while watching you tube videos on my tv. The down side is that sometimes after I’m done eating I just sit there watching others live life outside their home.
I’m not living my life and there’s a problem with that. I can sit and watch Naptural85 with her husband and child go on all sorts of adventures but I’m in my house. Most of these videos last 20minutes. So if I watch 6 videos that’s most of my day. Most of my free time when I could be doing something.
I realized recently that maybe I haven’t accomplished a lot of my goals because I’m stuck in a rut watching others achieve theirs. I need to put more time into making things in my life happen instead of watch life pass me by. So if I want to sing I need to put more time into practicing. If I want to start a business I need to put more time and preparation into it. If I want to blog I need to set aside more time into preparing and growing it. I need to give less time to others that don’t care about my dreams and more to myself.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not terrible to hang on social media. Just don’t let it consume your life. Sometimes seeing other triumph can motivate you to get things in your life going. Shameless Maya is highly motivating. Also Nikki and the city.
I have three friends and a cousin that have written books in the last year. This has made my dream of writing seem less impossible. I have another friend that has started a successful cupcake business. I watch them for a time and use them as a good blueprint, but I don’t want to consume my days watching them and wondering why cant that be me. Why have I not finished my goals. When God gives you a talent He expects you to use them. He has a purpose for your unique gift. Don’t wast it away with distractions. Will you get up today and go after your goals?
I’ve been apart of the weight watchers community for a long time. Four years to be exact. In the beginning I was very excited to be apart of weight watchers mostly because of Jennifer Hudson’s amazing transformation. You see some years ago I met miss Hudson in line auditioning for American Idol. She was on the season before I auditioned, but had showed up to the Chicago audition to give moral support. I was extremely nervous and Jennifer and George Huff just showed up and started talking to me and some other contestants. She was so nice and uplifting that my nerves went away. I never forgot that. Fast forward many years later we would cross paths again on the christening of the Disney Dream cruise ship. This time I got to see with my own eyes just how much weight she lost on the weight watchers plan. I wanted those results.
I needed a change in my life, health, and eating habits. I had gone from 150 to 204 in a year. None of my old weight loss tactics seemed to work anymore. I did Tae Bo now twice a day and took dance classes. I also did extremely high impact praise dancing all weekend long and was on a veggie fast. For some reason my weight just kept rising. I needed something new, a restart button.
After pictures of my 30th BIRTHDAY surprise party and engagement video surfaced I knew now was the time. I joined weight watchers and I was very diligent in my tracking. At first my weight did not change immediately. I would loose two pounds one week and gain them back the next. Then I joined LA Fitness and signed up for a personal trainer. Then improvements started to show. I became a believer in the weight watchers diet, and nothing could sway me otherwise.
My friends did not understand and would often treat me as if I was stupid for dieting. They would try to get me to over indulge in unhealthy foods. They would always say it won’t make a difference what you eat. They believed Weight watchers was unhealthy. They did not know much about the program but they assumed it involved only prepared meals. They would tell me there was unhealthy chemicals in the food that I have to eat for weight watchers. I would reply that I can eat what I wanted only in moderation. The smart ones meals are optional. They did not buy it. I remember one friend in particular bet me she could loss even more weight then me quicker with out diet or exercise. She did not in fact loss even though she never brought it up again. She told me by mistake that she keeps gaining and she cannot seem to loose. I never rubbed it in her face but in my mind it further confirmed to me that I was on the right path.
When my wedding day arrived I had gone from 204 to 170 in a year and a half. Even though it was not my goal weight of 150 I was content and determined to keep pushing to my goal. Then something changed. I started birth control pills for the first time in my life and it started to make my body go out of wack. First my weight skyrocketed. I went from 170 to 189 in a month. Then my period started and did not go away for two and a half months. I ended up in the hospital with a lot of pain and no explanation. When I returned home I waited till the pain subsided to resume working out. I had lost my appetite but still my weight kept
Creeping up. Then weight watchers changed their points tracking system
Things that I had been tracking for two years suddenly went up in points value. When a lot of my normal food points value changed the amount of food I could eat a day lowered drastically. That should be good but I felt like I was not eating enough to be healthy. I tried to Change things up again by replacing a meal with a home made healthy fruit and veggie smoothie. But once I was finished adding in all the ingredients from healthy smoothie recipe I would be left with no points for the day. I tried only eating veggies and fruits instead of chips and crackers which is what I snacked on when I first lost weight. I took the bread out of my sandwiches, maid my own kale chips, downloaded a personal trainer app on my phone, and bought the full set Zumba workouts with the weights. I worked out everyday for a month and a half. And I gained 8 pounds. I think my final straw was when some friends assumed I was pregnant.
So here I am hungry and sore from exercising to much and I stand here at a whopping 210 pounds. I’m just not happy anymore. I feel as if it is time to find a different way to eat healthy. Right now I feel like I’m just throwing money down the drain. If tracking is not working for me it’s time to go. It’s crazy that I’m distancing myself from weight watchers way after Jennifer Hudson did.
last Sunday’s say it with your dress features a skirt I got from Old Navy for $5 dollars. Yeah you heard it right $5.00. That’s how I roll when I’m shopping. As soon as I find out a already reasonably priced store is having a sale I pounce.
My main mission is to find the lowest markdowns in stores like Old Navy, Rainbow, TJ Max, Marshals, forever21, Charlotte Russe, and the now defunct Dots. Speaking of Dots that’s where I got my embellished top a couple years back. The Leopard print shoes I got during Dots 1st going out of business liquidation sale. I also got my kitchen table and a cool mirror from there too.
I’m still trying to keep my dress very modest because I’m a Christian women, but still on trend.
I tried to make sure the skirt was not to short and the top not to tight. The necklace I got for my grandfathers funeral at JCpennys it still makes me sad when I wear it to this day. But I feel protected by the double crosses that hang on the pearl nacklaces. I had on larg hoop earrings but they broke when someone hugged me to hard after service. Good thing I know how to fix them. I added a brown belt to tie everything together in an even flow.
This weeks #sayiywithyourdressSunday is a who wore it best me, or me!😃
My husband convinced me to get this dress at forever21. I’ve been playing with the style a bit to see if I can geta couple of different looks out of it.
The first time I wore it I paired it with a Kimono because the straps are thin, and I planned to wear it to church. The dress is very form fitting. I wanted to add a piece that would draw attention away form my curves. The idea is to keep it modest. My plan didn’t work as well as I hoped. I did get some side eyes form the church mothers. So I waited a while for the scandal to die down and I decided to try to restyle the dress again this Sunday.
The second time around I tried a denim vest and some Leopard wedge heels instead of the dollar store sandals. I was trying to achieve a little punk edge. I wore my very large Super Mario Brothers flower necklace to hide a little of the lowness of the neck line. The vest made my waist appear a little more cinched in while covering up the tiny spaghetti strap. Even though I felt more comfortable the second time around I still felt like I was being judged a little so this dress might have to be saved for weekend date nights and friendly gatherings.